he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
