That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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