its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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