He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
