I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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