Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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