I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
