.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
