I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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