I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
