it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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