It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
