My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
