There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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