I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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