I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's never too late to be topless.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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