I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize