I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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