I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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