trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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