The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
