His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
