It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
