Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
