idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
