Can i not drive my cunt home
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
