Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
