It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
