I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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