i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
