so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
