she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
