So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
