I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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