so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
