The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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