My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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