By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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