Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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