I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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