yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
