yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
