I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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