So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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