My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
