and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
