We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
did i just pee glitter
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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