Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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