he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
