i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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