I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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