I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
