Pappa wants mamma naked
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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