please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
