my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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