I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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