I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
