what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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