waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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