Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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