Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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