you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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