Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i out mim tonsoeep
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