yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
